We are relational beings, and in life we move on various levels of relationships, such as the relationship we maintain with ourselves, the one we maintain with our partner, family and/or closest beings, the one we maintain with our acquaintances, the one we maintain with society and the one we maintain with the human race, among others.
Right now it is most likely that all those relationship plans are seriously affected. As human beings we seem doomed to self-destruction, as a society we have demonstrated our incompetence for consensus and peace, with our closest ones we are scared to death (of losing them, of not being able to support them, of them not being able to support us…), and of We ourselves hardly even remember, because we are too busy trying unsuccessfully to make what is outside conform to our expectations.
The relationship with yourself is the most important of all, because if you do not cultivate that relationship enough, none of the others can work well.
However, the relationship with yourself is the most important of all, because if you do not cultivate that relationship enough, none of the others can work well. For example, if you are very concerned about external wars but you are not able to perceive your own internal battles, you will be using -without realizing it- external violence to add fuel to the internal fire… and vice versa.
When the circumstances around you remain more or less stable, this dissonance between the external and the internal is not so evident. That is, as long as the outside conforms (more or less) to your accommodative expectations, you don’t realize to what extent you are disconnected from yourself. But when the outside fails you, as it will be doing in recent times, when you lose the feeling of having everything under control, then you realize that you have nothing to hold on to. That you don’t even have yourself. That’s what I call “Ghostwriting Services in USA.”
I’m talking to you about my own experience. I am the first one in recent years who has no ground under my feet.
I am not speaking to lecture, far from it. I’m talking to you about my own experience. I am the first one in recent years who has no ground under my feet. When I talk to my children (16 and 17 years old) about the future, about what they are going to be when they grow up, I get a knot in my stomach and inside I ask myself (“But what future?”). Or I catch myself thinking, “Well, the good thing about all this is that I don’t have to worry about retirement plans.”
At the same time this is happening to me, there are two supports that make me trust. The first is meditation, which gives me the certainty of being on a path that takes me out of the self-deception of believing myself to be a permanent entity, independent and separate from others.
Here I tell you how meditation helps me recover my center:
1. I recognize what makes me suffer
I know intimately that what makes me suffer and scares me to death is not wars or climate change or losing my job or even dying, but rather it is that border that I put between myself and others, between myself and my emotions, between me and my thoughts, and that leads me to relate to all that with attachment and rejection. I am not deluded, I also know that I am at the beginning of the path (even though I have been meditating for more than twenty years), but what I have traveled has already more than compensated me, because it is not a cumulative path, but an experiential one.
2. It gives me openness and confidence
The bond with my teacher allows me to savor at all times the effects of love and compassion or, what is the same, of an open and non-dual consciousness. In my teacher I see (and it sticks in me) the arrowhead of an entire lineage of transmission that is not lost in the reflections produced by the projection of mental states abroad. I feel the beneficial effects of all this in myself and in all my meditation partners, which makes me open up and trust more and more (in my teacher, in my classmates and in myself). This places me in an increasingly expansive center, which does not withdraw into itself, that is, it moves away from egocentrism.
3. It makes me connect with my body, my heart and my mind
Not having a center makes me feel lost, and feeling lost leads to disconnection and blindness to what I am really experiencing in my mind, in my heart, and in my body. When meditating, I connect with those three spheres, and experience what happens in them. I often don’t like what I experience and what I see, but the patterns of meditation help me relate to it—including my dislike—without struggle. By relating to it with less violence, the field of what I see opens, my understanding—a non-intellectual understanding that does not expire—increases, and I feel centered again.
4. I can follow the thread of experience
When I lose my center, I also lose control of my life and I am scared to death in that no man’s land. When I meditate and allow myself to feel that fear and loss of control, they are no longer so terrible. What makes them terrible are the thoughts and beliefs I superimpose on them. The experience itself is, simply, experience. What’s more, it is exactly what allows me to give a thread of continuity to my life. If there is something that I have never lost, it is the experience (I crossed it out as bad, good or average). That gives me a point of reference that makes me able to navigate rough seas.
The second support that connects me with my center is non-fiction writing, because it gives me a space of creative joy and freedom where consciousness can expand without the ties of what I consider “real”, but which are nothing more than the habitual patterns that I they make you suffer.
This is how writing helps me:
1. Connects me with my essence
Writing connects me with my essence beyond what scares me, beyond conventions, beyond what I would like or not like, beyond my thoughts and beliefs. By relaxing my “social self” and unleashing my “creative self” I find something more authentic and experiential that I can trust. It’s like being able to take off all those uncomfortable masks that I wear in my daily life to appear normal. And, from my naked essence, it is much easier for me to relate to the outside.
2. It allows me to empathize
Through the exploration of my characters, I dissolve my egocentrism and allow myself to empathize with any kind of person with equanimity, understanding them without judgment. My characters are not me and yet they are more me than anyone else. They teach me that I am not who I think I am, but that I am a multiple being and that, precisely, that is what gives me stability and fluidity, much more than clinging to a series of fixed and rigid ideas about myself that have nothing have to do with reality and that are falling apart at every moment.
3. I enjoy my emotional world
When I write I go through the emotional experiences that overflow me in my life, and I enjoy it. I work creatively with fear, blockages, shame, rage, despair… Knowing that any emotion, no matter how horrible it may seem to us, is worth experiencing, and also that we can let it pass, calms me down and makes me focused, although the emotional waves are intense.
4. I transcend the positive and the negative
Writing appeases my tendency to divide everything into good and bad, positive and negative, black and white. In literature, a delicate flower has the same value as a dog’s poop. The apparently “bad” and conflictive provides me, through fiction, with wonderful and inspired moments. In this way, my consciousness expands without losing the center, because the center (mine and everyone’s) always has to do with love, compassion and equanimity.
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